


Don't Pity The Dead, Pity The Living

by JustHannah



Category: American Horror Story
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, F/M, Ghosts, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-16
Updated: 2016-01-19
Packaged: 2018-04-21 03:27:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4813217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustHannah/pseuds/JustHannah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If he didn't do it, then who did?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

"Fuck her!" I heard my mom yelling about me all the way from downstairs, "She's the most guilty of all of us! She did this Keith!"

   "She didn't do this, she couldn't have, did you see how terrified and sad she was? She could never do something like that," my dad countered in a calm voice.

   "Your the shrink! Your the first to say how much of a psychopath or sociopath she is! Why aren't you backing me up on this?" 

   "She's our daughter Lily, we have to have faith that she didn't do it, she loved her brother more then anything," I was surprised my dad was sticking up for me, of course he had his days but most were bad, he knew I didn't do this, or at least he thought.

   My mom hated me with every fiber in her being, I was unwanted since birth, my dad was the one who convinced my mom to keep me, I wish he didn't, she's abused me ever since.

   Her mom treated her like dirt and ever since she's had issues with women, with me. I knew she would take any chance she got to prove to my dad that I wasn't worth keeping.

   "She's been worthless from the start, she killed my son! Why can't she just fucking die already? It makes more sense for her to die then him! She killed Matt!" she was bawling her eyes out, it seemed to be more because of how angry she was then sad.

   "She's your kid too as well as he was, she's not just some kid that walked into our lives with no permission, we can get through this, and get through this knowing that she did not do this."

 

   I sat on the floor of Matt's old room, its been almost a year since he was murdered and my mom still thinks that it was me.

   I looked around at the walls where the posters and pictures used to be, at the emptiness of it. All the rooms in this house look this way, the difference between this and the others was that this room is the room where it happened.    

   "Dakota! Its time!" my dad yelled.

   I stood and looked down at the spot where I saw Matt practically cut in half, his arm was reaching out to the door and his eyes looked so terrified.

   He wasn't breathing, I watched his chest hoping to see it rise and fall but it wouldn't move. I stood there petrified at the sight of the blood, he had a few marks across his face making me cringe.

   My hands started shaking nervously as I remembered my mom walking in and seeing me staring down at Matt's dead body.

   "Come on!" my mom yelled irritably.

   I walked out of the room and closed the door on my way out, I walked down the stairs and out the front door toward our car.

   We were moving to LA, my father said that we needed a fresh start in a new house in a new city where we've never been before, I didn't expect him to choose LA but he thought it would be good for us.

   I closed the back door as my mother got in the passenger seat, whispering something under her breath, my dad started driving when I laid my head down on the window...this is gonna be awhile...

   Moving wasn't a problem for me, I had no friends and no reason to stay in the house where I found my brother dead in his room.

   I wish it was me, I've hated myself for as long as I can remember, I can hardly look in the mirror without grabbing my razorblade. My heart was rotting from the inside out, it has been for awhile now, but I've just now found the words to explain it. 

   It hurts to know that the only two people in my life as of now both don't seem to like me very much, but I don't blame them, I don't even like me.

   This whole ride has been nothing but silence at its worst except for the occasional comment from my mom about something I was doing wrong but never doing at all.

   We pulled up to the house, it was now dark and there were people leaving the house in uniforms, they were probably the ones who brought the furniture in.

   My mom insisted that we bring my brothers stuff with us and set up a room for him, my dad wasn't really okay with it but agreed knowing that there was a chance that she would leave us, just watch I know she'll leave.

   We walked around the house, I felt eyes on us but the workers were still outside, I separated from my parents as soon as my dad started talking about how he was going to work in a home office they set up in this house so he could see patients at home to spend more time with my mom and I. She seemed so excited to be in LA, it was too good to be true.

   I walked up the stairs to what my dad said was my room, I stared at the bed and studied the rest of my room that was set up.

   I walked down the hall to find my brothers room that I found was right next to mine. When he died, Matt was eighteen, just two years older then me which always made me sad.

   "Dakota!" I heard my dad yell making me scram down to him and my mom.

   "Do you like the house?" my dad asked.

   "Yeah," I answered half-heartedly.

   "Good," he smiled as we walked outside.

   "Great, you guys left my stuff outside like I asked," my mom walked up to the workers and smiled at them pointing to her belongings.

   "What?" my dads mouth hung open and wore a sad, confused expression, I told you she'd leave.

   "Yup, I'm leaving," she smiled evilly, "Of course I'll visit for Matt and you, Keith, but I can't stand to sleep in a house anymore with this psychopath."

   "But mom..." I trailed off in a quiet tone.

   "I am not you're mother," she stepped closer to me in a threatening manner like she was going to hit me again, "You were never my daughter, you are dead to me, Dakota."

   I felt her smacked me in the cheek, I cupped it with my hand but it didn't help the pain, I felt the breath in my lungs suddenly leave as I felt my stomach get punched.

   It was worst when I didn't expect it, of course when she hit me it always hurt but the unexpected hits topped all of them.

   "Just leave already," my dad sounded so sad and angry.

   "My pleasure," she kissed him and got into the moving truck.

   My father and I just stood there watching the truck drive away when I whispered, "I'm so sorry Dad."

   "Don't talk to me right now..." he turned around and walked inside leaving me out there alone to blame myself, again.

   I walked slowly up to my room and sat down on my bed with my back to the headboard, my heart started beating quickly and tears threatened to spill but I wouldn't let them. I haven't cried in over a year, my mom hated when I cried, she called me an attention seeker and told me that I was selfish. Even if my mom didn't love me and treated me like shit I still loved her, she was my mom.

   I walked over to my dresser and changed into my pajamas and laid down under my comforter, I was shivering, this house was cold and my shorts didn't exactly help. I rarely wore shorts but I was too tired to get up and change again.

   My eyes closed but I failed at sleep so most of the night I laid there staring into the darkness, for some reason this darkness seemed to have much more depth to it.


	2. My Name Is Tate

I watched the two red-headed twins destroy everything in the house, laughing and throwing things around, they noticed a dead animal on the ground and laughed at it.

The basement door opened by itself and one of the two said, "Go Troy."

"No, you go shithead!" was Troy's reply.

They both went down the steps slowly with flashlights in hand shining them around, they walked into a room with shelves on the walls with jars full of animal and human body parts.

"Hey, check it out," Troy said looking at the jars, he picked one up as the other twin looked closely at the jars after his brother when Troy threw one on the ground, "It stinks in here, smells like shit."

"Yeah it smells bad, I'm getting out of here," the other one replied, he walked over to the steps as Troy snapped his fingers but the snapping stopped making the other twin turn around, "Troy? Troy? Who's down there?"

He walked back down the steps and shined his flashlight around and stopped when he saw his brother laying on the ground with his throat slit and his arm reaching out to him. I saw something attack him when I woke up holding my chest gasping for air.

"Goddamn it," I whispered sitting on the side of my bed.

It was dark outside and my clock read 7:30am, my alarm then went off, I pressed the off button and got up then got dressed.

I knew school was going to be terrible and it was, I was smoking a cigarette in the courtyard when a bitch and two of her friends made me put it out and weirdly the head bitch tried to make me eat it.

When I got home it was 2:40pm, my dad was in a session, I walked up to Matt's room again when the picture of his body made me cringe, my hands started shaking and my heart raced.

I walked quickly into my room and got out my razorblade then went to my bathroom and closed the door behind me, I had both hands that were still shaking on each side of the sink, I stared at my reflection in the mirror.

I looked back down at the blade and rolled up my sleeve that revealed my wrist that was covered in scars and cuts, I put the blade to my wrist in a cut less area and slid it across in multiple areas, my hands stopped shaking as I saw the blood spill out slowly.

I stared back at myself when I heard a calm unfamiliar voice say, "Dakota?"

I looked over in the mirror to see a boy with shaggy blonde hair standing in the doorway, I whispered, "How do you know my name?"

"I'm one of you're dads patients, he told me about you," he walked closer closing the door behind him.

I couldn't find the words to speak, he took my wrist in his hand softly looking down at the blood, he took a washcloth from one of the shelves against the wall that held washcloths and towels.  
I stared at him as he ran it under the hot water and looked back at me, "This is gonna hurt..."

He placed the washcloth down on the cuts, it hurt but his presence just seemed to calm me, he cleaned them and filled the sink with water, washing out the washcloth.

He still held my wrist in his hand and rubbed his thumb softly over the marks, he looked up at me and said quietly, "My name is Tate."

"Thank you," I looked down when he released my wrist.

"Your welcome," he smiled and walked away, I narrowed my eyes at him until I couldn't see him anymore, he was different.

 

A week had passed and my father hired an old maid to work for us, I decided not to go to school today, school just got worse since the first day because of those three girls.

It was now 2:30pm when I got dressed, I'd been laying in bed awake for a while now thinking about my mom. I can hear my dad yelling at night, it scares me when he yells.

I walked up to dads office and see Tate sitting on the couch when my father said sarcastically making Tate laugh, "You? Are you kidding me? You're hopeless! No, everybody can get better Tate! Everybody, I just think your scared of something, maybe rejection, certainly because of what you're father did to you."

Tate looked over at me when my dad said that the session was over, I walked back to my room and sat on the floor with my back against the end of the bed.

Tate walked down the hall toward my room and closed the door behind him, he sat down across from me and showed me his wrist.

"I did this when my father left," he pointed to a long scar going down his arm, "I think I was ten."

I pulled up my sleeve to reveal my cuts and scars, I pointed to one of the cuts he helped clean, "First day at my new school."

"Westfield, right?" he asked making me nod, "The worst, I got thrown out."

"I don't like it here, some of the people are fucking terrible, the designer bullshit it stupid, I miss the east coast, at least there's weather there."

"I love it when the leaves change," Tate admitted.

"Yeah, me too," I smiled at him when he heard me agree.

He looked down at my arm and asked, "Why did you move here?"

"My dad said that our family needed a new start but when we got here my mom left us," I held my stomach still feeling the pain from the punch.

"She hurt you, didn't she?" he asked, looking at me sadly, I nodded making him continue, "That's horrible, if you love someone, you should never hurt them. Never."

"She didn't love me, she wouldn't even call me her daughter, and about a year ago I was the one who found my brother, murdered in his room," I explained, my hands started to shake a little.

"You can talk about it," Tate said calmly taking my hand in his.

"He looked so scared, he was almost cut in half, his arm was reaching out on the floor but he wasn't breathing...my mom walked in and saw me and instantly thought it was me, she still thinks it was me," I explained, "I feel terrible all the time, I know I'm being selfish and I shouldn't complain but I did this to my dad, I'm making him miserable and he won't even talk to me."

"I am so sorry," he rubbed his thumb across the scars and cuts on my wrist calming me down.

"Why are you seeing my dad?" I asked looking up at him to see him staring back.

"It's a filthy world we live in, it's a filthy goddamn helpless world, and honestly, I feel like I'm helping to take them away from the shit and the piss and the vomit that run in the streets. I'm helping to take them somewhere clean and kind. I couldn't do it, I couldn't kill them, I just wish that I could save them from the pain and the misery," I stared into his eyes, I knew he'd never hurt me, there was something in his eyes that made me believe that he would never hurt anyone, it was the thought of hurting them that scared him, "Please don't be scared of me, I would never hurt you."

"I know," I said quietly seeing him smile.

I stood up and walked over to my iPod about to pick a song to play when my dad walked in, "What are you doing in here? You know you can't be in here."

"We were just listening to music, dad," I urged.

"Don't speak to me, you need to leave, Tate, I'm sorry but you shouldn't be in here and I think you know that, please," my dad waited.

Tate stood up slowly and walked up to my father, "What's that thing you think I'm afraid of? The fear of rejection?"

Tate walked out of the room when my dad yelled, "Stay away from him!"

"Dad, he -" my father interrupted me.

"You heard me!" my dad stormed off to his office making me go to the top of the stairs to see Tate walking down them sadly and walked toward the door.


	3. You Have To Scare Her

    I felt a blow to the cheek and soon enough three girls were jumping me in the school courtyard punching, slapping, and kicking me all over my body.

   "I'm not scared of you I stood up when the head girl pushed me down on the table then on the ground, I picked up my cigarette that was still burning and pushed it against her hand, burning her.

   She screamed, "You fucking burned me!" I took the chance to run away.

   I walked down the street and saw Tate at the side of my house, I walked up to him and he turned to me, his eyes widening.

   "Who did this?" we walked inside and up to my room.

   "Three girls jumped me," I explained as he cleaned a cut on my face off, I explained everything to him when he gave a good suggestion.

   "We have to scare her, its the only way she'll leave you alone, its the only thing bullies react to."

   "How?"

   "If she likes coke like you say she does then tell her you'll give her some so you can get her over here," he responded.

   "How am I going to terrify her?" I asked.

   "That's where I come in."

 

   Leah, the main girl, and I were walking down to the basement when she asked, "What's down there?"

   "My stash, my dad checks my room every week," I answered.

   "If you're screwing with me..."

   "It's just the basement, I found the best hiding place. This is great shit, too, all the coke coming to the U.S. from Central America smuggled in on lobster boats in Gloucester."

   "So where is it?" Leah questioned.

   "Right around the corner, to the right," we walked through the creepy basement but knowing Tate was here gave me confidence.

   "This place is a dump," Leah commented, "I want my goddamn drugs."

   "Then keep going," I said quietly as we walked into a room, I switched the light on revealing Tate sitting in the middle of the room.

   "So this is the cokehead?" Tate asked.

   "Who the hell are you?" Leah was already scared.

   "Get the lights," Tate said and as soon as I switched the lights off they were going on and off like a strobe light.     

   I saw Tate sitting there but something else was attacking Leah, I sat down on the floor with my knees to my chest when something was about to get me, I could barely see Tate's eyes widen. 

   I saw him walking toward me quickly when I felt tight arms around me, protecting me, I closed my eyes and heard Tate's calm voice in my ear.

   "I didn't do this, believe me. Dakota, I swear, I'm sorry," he apologized in a sad voice, I felt him look up, "Its over now..."

   Tate turned the lights on when I got up, I stared down at Leah who had a scratch across her face laying with her back to the ground screaming.

   She got up and ran out, I walked out to the main part of my basement with Tate close behind, "I'll go if you want me to."

   I looked back at him and didn't say a word, he placed both hands on my shoulder and pulled me into a hug, I knew he couldn't be lying, he was as surprised as we were. I hugged him back tightly and when we let go he walked upstairs without saying a word.


	4. I Won't Let Them Hurt You

   Its been a week since we tried to scare Leah and Tate hasn't spoken to me, he had a session with my dad yesterday but I didn't see him.

   I could tell he was afraid that I was angry with him and that he felt guilty, but I couldn't find him so that I could talk to him about it.

   "I've got some things I need to handle in Boston so, you have the house to yourself unless you're -" my dad stopped mid sentence making my heart drop as he was about to call my mother but he put the phone back down knowing she wouldn't even think about saying yes.

   I watched him as he walked toward the door but when he opened it, my mother stood there with her back to us, when she turned she smiled up at my father and kissed him.

   My father froze as soon as she kissed him but soon his arms were around her hugging her, when they pulled away dad asked, "What are you doing back here?"

   "I needed a place to stay for the night, I ran out of hotel money while I've been looking at apartments," she answered giving me a disgusted look, "She's still here?"

   "I'm leaving for Boston..." dad admitted, "So you'll have to stay alone with her for the night."

   "Ugh, goddamn it," mom complained, "Fine, just stay the hell away from me, do you understand?"

   I nodded and as soon as the door was shut on my fathers way out, mom walked up to me and snickered, "So I see you don't talk anymore."

   "I didn't know you wanted me to," I replied with my voice quiet and my eyes set staring at the floor below me.

   "I don't," and with that she walked upstairs leaving me alone again.

   I stood there for a few minutes then went up to my room, avoiding going near mom and dads room on my way up.

   I picked up one of the books sitting on my shelf and started reading it after turning music on at a low volume, it was dark when I heard the door open making me jump.

   "The lady next door told me to give this to you, I hope you mind that I saved one for myself," my mother smirked at me making me get up and take the plate with a chocolate cupcake on top, as soon as she was gone I placed to cupcake outside my window.

   I heard the doorbell ring and walked downstairs, I looked out the peep hole to see a girl in her twenties ringing the doorbell frantically.

   "Can I help you?" my voice was shaky.

   "Excuse me, ma'am, I'm hurt and in need of some help."

   "What happened to you?" I asked as my hands started shaking, I was scared because her head was bleeding but there was no wound.

   "I'm hurt and in need of some help, let me in," she demanded as I stepped away from the door, she started to bang on it.

   My mom came down the stairs and yelled, "What the hell is going on?"  
   I went to go call 911 but the phone was missing, I heard my mother open the door and a loud bang on the ground.

   I looked over to see her lying on the floor with two women and a man with masks standing over her, when my mom got up the three made us sit down in the living room, me on the floor and her tied to a chair.

   "Please, there's money, you can take anything please just don't kill me," mom said.  

   "We're not here to rob you...masks off," one said making the three of them take they're masks off, it was the woman that rang the doorbell, "The transcript was very clear, the nurses saw Franklin; he had nothing to hide...we have twelve minutes."

   "Then the fun begins," the girl who resembled a hippie said.

   "I have a surprise for you," the other girl pulled out a piece of pottery that looked like an ash trey.

   "No way," the man said.

   "I got it on eBay, authenticated, it's the one he used to bash Maria."

   "Let me see it," the man took the pottery from the woman's hands and stared closely at it, clearly they were crazy, "Holy shit, I can feel the energy in this, this is so bitchin'."

   "Who goes first? Which one is Gladys?" the hippie asked when the other woman pointed with the knife in her hand at my mom and then me making the hippie throw a nurses outfit at me.

   "No," my voice was quiet.

   "You have to, everything has to be perfect."

   "Take your clothes off!" the man yelled ripping the top of my shirt, scratching my neck.

   "Oh, you'll both be wearing uniforms, Franklin hated nurses, he had a bad experience with the mercury in a broken thermometer. That's why he took Gladys upstairs and drowned her in the tub."

   "And you, Maria," the woman pointed to my mom, "He saved you for last."

   "Franklin was the first, before Manson, he changed the culture. We're paying tribute to him," the hippie said making mom shake her head.

   "I'm not going to be part of your reenactment, take her not me."

   "Put it on, you won't like it if I have to make you," the other woman demanded making me get up.

   As soon as I stood I punched her in the face and kicked the man in his groin helping me get the time to run and hide.

   When I was running towards the kitchen I felt a hand softly get grip on my forearm giving me the impulse to scream but couldn't seeing as it was Tate.

   He pushed me up to the wall and whispered, "You have to get them to the basement, Dakota."

   "Tate," was all I could say.

   "Its okay," he hugged me to him tightly, "I promise, I won't let them hurt you."

   I nodded feeling him lift his hand to touch my face softly, I felt him let go and step back giving me an encouraging look when I noticed the hippie walking towards me.

   She yanked my arm so that I could follow her, her hold on my arm felt so strong that I could feel it bruising as we walked to the upstairs bathroom.

   Both the women were with me up in the bathroom as I changed into the nurses outfit, one turned on the water in the tub and the other walked out in the hall.

   When she came back, the hippie girl had the cupcake that was outside my door in her hand eating it, she hesitated and let out, "Ow...stomach ache..."

   "Seriously your eating?" the other girl said.

   "I'm gonna puke."

   "Not in the staging area!"

   "Just don't start without me!" the girl dropped the cupcake and ran out of the bathroom and down the hallway holding her stomach.

   I tried to run but the girl caught me, "Are you kidding me? Its 10:57, get in the tub."

   I stepped in the tub when the girl yelled down the hallway then turned back to me, "Bianca! Its almost time! You have to put someone under water for three minutes until they lose consciousness, the brain begins to die from oxygen deprivation."

   "This isn't the right tub," I whispered getting a plan ready in my head.

   "Second floor bathroom, I used to study the crime scene photo," the girl countered.

   "The one he used is in the basement, we remodeled this bathroom."

   "You think I'm gonna fall for that?"

   "It's a grimy claw-foot tub with a chrome faucet, go look."

   "Bianca?!" I could tell she was worried now.

   The girl and I walked down to the basement bathroom, as we walked down the stairs her knife was against my back, cutting it slightly with each step.

   When we got down there the lights flickered off and I ran quietly up the stairs hearing my mom open the front door and run making me go after her.

   I started screaming for help, regretting leaving Tate alone, I started walking back to the house and saw Tate standing outside. When he saw me he ran up to me on the yard and wrapped his arms around me tightly.

   "What happened?" I asked, my voice still shaky.

   "I gave them a shot that knocked them out, you don't have to be scared, I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere," his fingers brushed through my hair and I felt his breath on my skin, giving me goosebumps.

 


	5. Aftermath

   I woke up to hear my parents arguing, thankfully from what I heard they weren't arguing about me, they were arguing about the finances and how mom wanted to sell this house after what happened, it had been a couple days since the incident.  
   I heard the doorbell ring then a high-pitched female voice start to make conversation with my mother while dad was in a session with a patient.  
   My dad got back in the middle of the night that night, Tate left around the time he walked through the door. Tate and I just sat up here together, when there was silence it was never awkward or forced but comfortable.  
   I stood up from my bed and walked over to my dresser, I got dressed and grabbed my cigarettes and lighter from inside one of my drawers then walked outside to the backyard. I sat down in one of the arches and lit a cigarette.  
   "Dakota?" I heard Tate's soft voice say as the sound of cracking leaves reached where I was sitting, he came into sight and sat in front of me, "Hey."  
   "Hey," I took a drag of my cigarette and offered to share with him to which he agreed and took a drag of it himself.  
   Tate had this took in his eyes, he looked so sad and it hurt me to see him that way, he handed the cigarette back to me and took my hand, intertwining our fingers tightly together.  
   "I'm sorry about what happened..." he trailed off.  
   "It's okay, Tate, thank you for doing what you did, you made me feel less afraid just by being there," I admitted and sucked in the smoke of the cigarette then blew it out.  
   "You don't have to thank me," he just smiled at me when his eyes widened, I realized footsteps walking towards us and the next thing I knew Tate was hiding and my dad was standing next to me.  
   I put the cigarette out but he already knew I smoked, he didn't normally seem to agree with it but he knew it helped me.  
   "Relax, I'm not here to bust you," he was in a better mood these days and I enjoyed this version of him.  
   "Why not?" I wondered with true curiosity.  
   "Because what you guys went through last week can haunt you a long time, hell a lifetime and what you're going through with mom...I don't blame you," he answered giving me a caring look.  
   "I'm okay, dad," I insisted.  
   "It'll make a great college essay one day," he laughed, "But if you ever want to talk to somebody, I mean, not me.  
You know, I'm way too expensive. But we can find you someone."  
   "Thank you, really," I smiled up at him, I was grateful that he had faith all this time in me when no one else did, even if his judgment was clouded since we got here because of my mother, "I'll think about it."  
   He kissed my forehead and started walking toward the house signaling Tate to sit back where he was before my dad came out.  
   "He seems...a lot nicer then before," Tate noticed as I got out another cigarette.  
   "After what happened...I guess he realized how much of a real bitch my mom was and how clouded his judgment has been since we got here."  
   "I can tell he feels bad for it...I can see it in his eyes," I put the cigarette in my mouth and Tate lit it with my lighter with a perfect smile spread across his beautiful face then interlocking our fingers once again.


End file.
